This
is a slightly amended version of the post on my first blog, in which I wrote in
detail for the first time about my childhood soiling.
 |
| Aged 3 and still in nappies. |
My
toilet troubles began at an early age. Potty training was a slow process for me and I didn't come out of nappies until I was three
and a half years old. But though I was
‘dry’, I was still not completely ‘clean’ and often messed my pants. This occurred between the ages of 3 and 11,
although it was worst up to the age of 7.
It happened because I often
avoided going to the toilet when I felt the need to poo. Instead I would clench my bottom and breath inwards and wait for the need to pass. If I felt the urge again I would repeat the process. I freely admit that withholding began as an act of laziness on my part, not wanting to stop playing in order to
attend to my bodily needs, but it was never an act of naughtiness. I didn't deliberately go in my pants, but I
would soil myself sometime later because of my failure to use the toilet
earlier. I never felt myself actually pooing, I just became aware later that my
pants were messy.
It was a long time before I made the connection
between avoiding using the toilet and having dirty pants, because the need to
poo seemed to go away when I ignored it, making me believe that I had made my poo disappear. This was different to the feeling of a full bladder
which, if I did not go to the toilet straight away, would gradually get stronger until eventually I wet my pants, something which I never did after my toddler years. Because of the time lapse between avoiding
using the bathroom and soiling myself, I really don’t think I made the
connection between the two events for a quite a while.
 |
| A typical withholding position for me when I needed a poo and decided not to go to the toilet. (c) |
I thought at the time, and for a long time
afterwards, that I was the only child in the world who dirtied his pants. But I was later to discover that this was not
the case...
To read about soiling from the point of view of a girl sufferer, take a look at this blog post from Dimity Telfer: The Story of My Life
To read about soiling from the point of view of a girl sufferer, take a look at this blog post from Dimity Telfer: The Story of My Life
did u make skid marks
ReplyDeleteHi, usually when I soiled myself it was full-on poos in my pants, but sometimes it was much lighter, more like skid marks.
Deletehi, my son has enco. he witholds. did u only withold when u were alone?
ReplyDeleteand did u clean yourself when u did do a poo in the toilest?
Hi, I also withheld my poo when there were other people around me, although I would make it less obvious that I was doing so than if I was alone. At school I would withhold while I was sitting in my chair or on the floor.
DeleteFrom the age of 4 I wiped my own bottom when I did do a poo in the toilet. However, I never cleaned myself up after having an accident.
how would your mum check if u had pooed your pants because often when i figure my child has had a accident he doenst want me to check?
ReplyDeleteIf I smelled like I had pooed my pants then she would pull down my trousers, pull back the waistband of my pants and look inside to see if they were messy.
DeleteI hated it when I knew that my Mum was about to discover that I'd had another accident, but I never resisted my mother checking my pants or changing me.
Being cleaned up like a toddler was embarrassing, especially as I got older, and I felt pretty miserable as I usually got told off at the same time, but I did feel better when it was over and I was wearing clean underwear than I had felt while I was still messy.
hi again, what would your mum say to u before she checked your underwear for poo. for example, would she say something like "turn around for a check" or "have u pooed again"
Deleteand when u did soil would u try not to sit down or move to much because u didn't want your pants to get even more messy?
I think she would say something like, "James, you smell. Have you dirtied your pants again?"
DeleteI would not curtail my activities after I had soiled myself and would sit, walk or run around the same as if I was clean. I'm sure that I made the mess in my underwear worse as a result of doing this.
and what would u say when she asked u "have you dirtied your pants agian" because when i ask my child he goes speechless.
DeleteSometimes I would just look down and say nothing, other times I would say, "I'm sorry," which both acknowledged that I'd soiled my pants and tried to apologise for doing it. Either way, my Mum would check my pants to see what I'd done.
Deletehello, would your mum wear gloves while she was changing you after a poo acdident.
ReplyDeletealso, when u had soiled out and about, would u hear people saying stuff like "that boy smells" or would u try and stay away from people?
My Mum never wore gloves when she was changing me.
DeleteI don't remember strangers commenting in my earshot about me being stinky when I had soiled myself on trips out. I guess some people must have smelled my poo, but were probably too polite to mention it while I could hear them.
I neither tried to avoid nor get close to other adults when I had messy pants. Again, I would act much the same way as if I was clean. I did try to aoid the company of other children if I knew I was smelly. I have been in crowd situations while in soiled pants, but if there are a lot of children around then I guess it's had for others to know which kid is the stinky one!
hi, how long after u had soiled did u realised u had soiled.
ReplyDeletealso how would your mum check your pants when u were in public because she couldn't pull your trousers down and pull the waistband of your pants when there were other people around, right?
I think I knew that my pants were messy pretty soon after I had soiled them.
ReplyDeleteIf we were in public and there was nowhere discreet to check my pants, then my Mum would rely on her sense of smell and take me to the toilets to inspect my pants and change me.
Hi James,
ReplyDeleteYour website has excellent information and resources.
My Nephew is 13 and has problems with soiling his underwear. I thought he had stopped until we were at the local markets. As we sat watching a craft demonstration, I began to suspect he might have done it in his underwear, but the smell was barely noticeable and could have been someone else. When we got in the car my suspicions were raised more, but again the smell was barely noticeable and soon disappeared.
I didn’t want to embarrass him, so I suggested we could go home before we went to the community event. He declined that offer, which made me wonder if I had made a mistake suspecting him. It wasn’t until we found somewhere to sit that I realized my original suspicion was right. In the past he has denied it when questioned, so I didn’t ask him directly. I also didn’t want to embarrass him as he is quite sensitive.
My sister has tried everything, but nothing has worked, and as I discovered on the weekend, he is still doing it. She seems to have given up, so I decided to do some research myself and found your website. After talking with my sister, we decided the best approach was for me to talk to him. After first denying it, he finally admitted he is having problems.
I referred him to the site and since then he had further opened up.
Hi, thank you for your comment.
DeleteI am very pleased that this site has helped you, your sister and your nephew. I found it very difficult to tell anyone when I had soiled myself. I hated walking around in public in messy underwear, like you describe your nephew doing, but it still seemed preferable to telling someone what I had done. Hopefully opening up about his problems will be the first step for your nephew to overcoming them.
Best wishes,
James
Hi James,
DeleteDid you attempt to hide your pants pooping from your mother? My nephew is making improvements, but he is also hiding it. After he gets home, he disappears under their house and I discovered why. Hidden in one of the hard to get to corners he must be stashing his underwear and there are several of them. I am not sure if I should discuss it with him or his mother. What do you think is the best approach? I think he is making improvements so maybe it will just resolve itself in time.
I never hid my soiled underwear, but I know that a lot of children and teenagers who have soiling problems do this. I am glad to hear that your nephew is improving. I think you should discuss the situation with him hiding his underwear with his mother. If a way can be provided for him to deal with his soiled clothes without embarrassment or being scolded, eg a bucket he can put them in with the assurance that no comments will be made about the contents of the bucket, then this may dissuade him from hiding his underwear in the way he is currently doing.
DeleteThat’s a good idea. His mum does mean to get mad at him, but she does and that might be why he is hiding them. I have talked to her about your suggestion of the bucket and although she doesn’t agree she is willing to give it a try. I am staying at their house for the next couple of months, so I have placed a bucket in the bathroom I use. I told him I found the underwear he had hidden under the house and told him about the bucket. He now knows he can put them in there and nothing will be said. I will let you know how it works out
DeleteI hope that having the bucket dissuades him for trying to hide his soiled underwear, and he continues to improve generally in using the toilet. Best wishes to you all.
DeleteHi James,
DeleteJust thought I would give you an update on my nephew. At first, he was a little reluctant putting his underwear in the bucket but not anymore. Once he realized he wasn’t going to get in trouble he started putting them there in the afternoons and nothing is said
Hi. pleased to hear that the idea seems to be working so far. Let's hope that he now makes further progress in reducing the number of occasions on which he soils himself, and eventually becomes completely clean.
DeleteHi James,
ReplyDeleteSo far it doesn’t seem to have reduced his soiling. It’s also apparent he has been doing it a lot more often than I first realized. I supposed it’s a little early to tell, so I will keep you updated.