Monday, 18 April 2016


This is a slightly amended version of the post on my first blog, in which I wrote in detail for the first time about my childhood soiling.

Aged 3 and still in nappies
Aged 3 and still in nappies.
My toilet troubles began at an early age.  Potty training was a slow process for me and I didn't come out of nappies until I was three and a half years old.  But though I was ‘dry’, I was still not completely ‘clean’ and often messed my pants.  This occurred between the ages of 3 and 11, although it was worst up to the age of 7.  It happened because I often avoided going to the toilet when I felt the need to poo.  Instead I would clench my bottom and breath inwards and wait for the need to pass.  If I felt the urge again I would repeat the process. I freely admit that withholding began as an act of laziness on my part, not wanting to stop playing in order to attend to my bodily needs, but it was never an act of naughtiness.  I didn't deliberately go in my pants, but I would soil myself sometime later because of my failure to use the toilet earlier. I never felt myself actually pooing, I just became aware later that my pants were messy.

It was a long time before I made the connection between avoiding using the toilet and having dirty pants, because the need to poo seemed to go away when I ignored it, making me believe that I had made my poo disappear.  This was different to the feeling of a full bladder which, if I did not go to the toilet straight away, would gradually get stronger until eventually I wet my pants, something which I never did after my toddler years.  Because of the time lapse between avoiding using the bathroom and soiling myself, I really don’t think I made the connection between the two events for a quite a while. 

A typical withholding position for me
when I needed a poo and decided
not to go to the toilet. (c)
For a long time I had wanted to stop soiling myself but didn’t know how to do it. Once I had made the connection I then made more of an effort to start using the toilet when I knew I needed to poo. It wasn’t easy as avoiding going to the toilet had become quite a habit, and there were times when I still did it. However, before my 8th birthday I was mostly clean, other than on trips as I disliked using public toilets for bowel movements.  My very last accident occurred on holiday at the age of 11.  By that stage I had suffered the embarrassment of being messy and smelly, and gone through the humiliation of being changed by my mother, more times than I would wish to remember.  I had put my parents through a lot of worry and heartache, not to mention some horrible laundry and clean-ups, and I had been shouted at and told off on numerous occasions.  But at least the nightmare was over and I could forget about this awful chapter of my childhood.

I thought at the time, and for a long time afterwards, that I was the only child in the world who dirtied his pants.  But I was later to discover that this was not the case...

To read about soiling from the point of view of a girl sufferer, take a look at this blog post from Dimity Telfer: The Story of My Life


  1. did u make skid marks

    1. Hi, usually when I soiled myself it was full-on poos in my pants, but sometimes it was much lighter, more like skid marks.

  2. hi, my son has enco. he witholds. did u only withold when u were alone?
    and did u clean yourself when u did do a poo in the toilest?

    1. Hi, I also withheld my poo when there were other people around me, although I would make it less obvious that I was doing so than if I was alone. At school I would withhold while I was sitting in my chair or on the floor.

      From the age of 4 I wiped my own bottom when I did do a poo in the toilet. However, I never cleaned myself up after having an accident.

  3. how would your mum check if u had pooed your pants because often when i figure my child has had a accident he doenst want me to check?

    1. If I smelled like I had pooed my pants then she would pull down my trousers, pull back the waistband of my pants and look inside to see if they were messy.

      I hated it when I knew that my Mum was about to discover that I'd had another accident, but I never resisted my mother checking my pants or changing me.

      Being cleaned up like a toddler was embarrassing, especially as I got older, and I felt pretty miserable as I usually got told off at the same time, but I did feel better when it was over and I was wearing clean underwear than I had felt while I was still messy.