In my first post, Why I Pooed My Pants,
I stated that I didn’t deliberately go in my pants. For the most part this is quite true, but
there was one occasion when I did poo myself on purpose, although, as you will
see, I was not soiling a pair of clean pants.
I was 8 when this happened and it took place at the
home of my maternal grandmother, the only grandparent I ever knew. She lived in a Victorian terraced house,
which has since been converted. There
was no bathroom and only an outside toilet.
The fairly small back garden had no grass, few flowers and mostly
consisted of paths leading to the toilet and the outside gate, and areas of
soil and rock. I was playing alone in
this garden when I got the familiar feeling in my underwear that told me that
my pants were messy. I ignored it and
carried on playing. Even if I had wanted
to go back inside the house where my mother and grandmother were talking I
would not now do so, as this would result in my accident being quickly
discovered.
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| I was able to play happily on my own for hours - which was a good thing when I was messy and smelly! |
Fortunately, I could always entertain myself, and
did not need toys or other children or adults to have a fun time playing. I had a good imagination and don’t ever
remember being bored during the whole of my childhood, I could always find
something to do. I loved the long summer
holiday from school and did not need my parents to spend large amounts of time
or money to keep me entertained.
While I was playing I felt the need to poo again. I was only a few metres from the toilet, but
did not think for one second of using it.
I was already in a crouching position when I felt it, but this time I
didn’t withhold, as I still often did when I was away from home. Instead I pushed and, for the first time in
my life, I pooed in my pants on purpose.
It was a good thing there was no-one in the next garden looking over, or
they would have seen a strange sight, an 8 year old boy crouching down and
deliberately messing himself. For the first time ever I actually felt the poo
leaving my bottom and entering my underwear.
I must have known that I was being very naughty doing this, but I did it
anyway. When I had finished I resumed
playing in my freshly soiled pants.
It must have been a few days since I had used the
toilet because shortly afterwards I felt that I had to go again. I crouched down and added to the waste in my
underwear. In the same way that you may
say that a baby has filled his nappy, some parents refer to a child who has
soiled himself as having ‘filled his pants’.
It was not a phrase that was usually used in my house, but it would have
been particularly apt on this day. Indeed, I was treating my underwear like it was a nappy. It
was a good job that I did not also need a wee that afternoon or I probably
would have just done that in my pants as well and created an even more horrendous
mess.
Not surprisingly, when I was called into the house
my mother was quickly alerted to what I had done. She was used to discovering that her son had pooed
himself, but even she was shocked by how badly I stank. When she looked inside my pants and found out how much I'd pooed in them and how messy I was she was furious with me.
With no bathroom, no hot running water and no spare
pants, changing me at my grandmother’s home would have been nearly
impossible. Instead I had to endure an
humiliating half-hour bus ride home in my soiled pants, absolutely reeking of
poo. Looking back, I’m surprised the
driver allowed such a stinky child on his bus.
We sat near the front, which meant that everyone who got on smelt me,
and my mother reprimanded me throughout the journey.
 |
| Aged 8, I deliberately pooed my pants for the first time in my life, behaving as if I was wearing a nappy. |
Cleaning me up that day was going to be no easy
task and my mother decided that I would need a bath. ‘How do you expect me to get these clean?’
she asked me, holding up my pants in front of me. We were not a rich family and supermarkets
did not sell cheap underwear in those days, so throwing out my pants everytime
I soiled them was not an option. Seeing
my underwear caked in my poo really brought home to me just what I had
done. I sat in the tub feeling ashamed
of myself.
I know I behaved badly that day, and I thoroughly
deserved the scolding I received. Why
did I do it? One mother on Mumsnet whose
9 year old son always withheld his poo at school said that if he came home in dirty
underwear he would sometimes just do the rest in his pants. He knew he would be moaned at for soiling
himself anyway, so it was a case of ‘in for the penny, in for the pound.’ Maybe that was the way I was thinking that
afternoon. Or perhaps I disliked the
thought of using the toilet when I already had a pooey bottom, and of pulling down
my messy pants and pulling them back up again.
But I suspect that the real reason was that it just seemed the easy
thing to do at the time. Once again, I
did not think of the consequences of my actions.
It has not been easy to write about this, as it is
one of my most painful memories of my childhood, certainly the worst that was a
result of my soiling habit. The only
good thing that came out of it was that I was never tempted to do it again.
